im-pa-tient (adj) 1. Unable to wait patiently or tolerate delay; restless. 2. Unable to endure irritation or opposition; intolerant. 3. Expressing or produced by impatience: shot me an impatient stare. 4. Restively eager or desirous: impatient to begin.

That's me. I realized at about 3pm on Sunday, January 17, 2010 that I had never met a more impatient person than myself. It should have come to me much sooner, but I was likely too impatient to wait for the realization. I was napping, and I stirred to a text message that stated simply, "Patience is a virtue." That's all it said. What the hell good was this going to do me? We've all heard it dozens of times, to be sure, and I don't know if it was the messenger or the right message at the right time, or what exactly led me to the realization that I was living one hell of a dishonorable life regarding the patience question.

At first, I was mad. Those who struggle under the excessive burden of constant impatience understand this phenomenon well. Who the hell is she to tell me anything about patience? What makes her patience better than mine? More quickly and importantly, who cares? I had things to do. I had to get tires put on the truck, as I'd been stuck that day for about the twentieth time this winter in the Kansas sludge.

I shouldn't have gotten stuck at all. The vehicle started going sideways, and finally backwards as I attempted to navigate up a driveway that morning. This is country living we're talking about here--gravel roads, long and drifted drives--not some goddamned struggle to get to thirty-ninth street. I say driveway, but it was more or less a path carved through part of the yard close to the driveway. I tried to turn around there--it's a circle drive, and one side was much more clearly drawn than the other. But I got stuck. Again.

Why is this? How could I go through 38 years of life and not realize I'd never met a more impatient person than myself? It seems a bit excessive. Was I too impatient to suffer the fool who happened to be more impatient than I the moment I might have met him? I've met thousands of people. Thousands. Not one among them may I count in my class of frustration.

I'll have to finish this story some other time. I don't have time for it right now.