A Letter to Hal

July 2, 2011

Mr. Hal Linden
Jewish National Fund National Office
42 East 69th Street
New York, NY 10021

Mr. Linden:

It has recently come to my attention that you’re the national spokesperson for the American Jewish National Fund. The course of events that led me to contact you about my marathon training and the possibility of fundraising for your organization are as follows:

1) After a recent trip to my periodontist, I recklessly downloaded marathon training instructions, and found some guy named Hal Higdon offered sets of rather detailed and rigorous training information at no charge. However, once I was actually running the routes, I found myself inadvertently cursing you, because I could not remember Mr. Higdon’s name. Of course, this problem is exclusively my own, but I’ve known a great number of people to mess up even my name. I knew in my heart none of this was your doing, and I hope you can forgive me for the misappropriation of my own pain and bad decision making.

2) After about four or five training sessions of knowingly, but still wrongly cursing you for my ills, I discovered that possibly things happen for a reason. I made a few google searches of you and marathon training, and discovered only a whole lot more of Mr. Higdon, and quite a bit of information about the Jewish National Fund. The more I read about the works and history of the organization, the more impressed I became. The conservation and planting programs in Palestine intrigued me most. I was also influenced positively by the JNF’s public infrastructure programs in concert with land management. Very impressive, and this is quite positively a time-tested and proven approach.

Now, I’m still following Higdon’s training regimen. He’s a SOB. But I realize it’s not Higdon’s fault that I used to down over a half-gallon of vodka every day and ruined myself so thoroughly and completely that I felt a marathon might be a sound reclamation project for myself. I told my periodontist I was going to quit smoking by running a marathon…So, I’m in this situation presented to you now.

Would you be interested at all in providing some periodic marathon training and/or life advice through this insane journey of mine? I would be happy to sign a waiver removing you and the JNF from any and all liability from taking your advice. I’m running in the Minneapolis half-marathon in August, and the Atlanta marathon in October, if I survive the training regimen. I figure there is an outside shot this has the possibility for humor. And some good. I might be able to raise a little bit of money in the process. That I’m doing anything at all is likely more than most would expect from a fat, lazy, out of shape, chain-smoking non-denominational with a bad attitude. Judging exclusively from your career in acting, I believe you might have a pretty good sense of humor?

Best Regards,


Slade Dillon
slade@specialtylumbersolutions.com