Fun With SMS, Part I

Someone asked me not too long ago: "What do you do for fun?"

There followed a long silence, and I finally answered something like this: "I don't know...Change light bulbs?"

And then there's this: (A roof was recently installed at my home. I believe that to be the only event that follows based loosely in fact.)

S: I'm taking a self-help seminar from my pharmacist and am so required to inform you that i am far tougher than you could ever comprehend, you panted pussy. 8/23/10 7:56pm

B: You have no idea the pussy I was pullin when I was at Arizona State 8/23/10 8:31pm

S: Did you ever have simultaneous and concurrent multiple heartattacks and orgasms with any of those bitches? I thought not, you braggart. 8/23/10 8:34pm

B: Done it all, THREE times in a tornado, EACH time at clinton lake with a 400 lb Channel cat in tow 8/23/10 8:44pm

S: Underwater in a shipwreck of the Russian aircraft carrier you sank in the Wakarusa that prevented the onset of world war three? With Hilary Clinton filming it? 8/23/10 8:47pm

B: Yup, Well if that's the way it's gotta be 8/23/10 8:49pm

S: no other way is even worth talking about. 8/23/10 8:50pm

B: Well I could think of a few. On a gunboat in. On the yellow river yellin 'I love that yellow pink'. You get it. Yellow....Pink. That was fun all 89 times we did it that november of 1958 in 'nam 8/23/10 8:59pm

S: You were there when i had to take a glider to the moon to help jump start the Apollo craft..the FBI gave me that sex parade in Amsterdam after my nobel prize. 8/23/10 10:22pm

B: Was the same bitch you took to 'ol Jeff Jackso,ks wedding. I bet he is still thankful of that one. He should be if he had half a brain like me. 8/23/10 10:55pm


S: Sorry couldnt get back to you til now. Had to swim to the Mariana trench to stop a tsunami. Cleaned up the BP oil spill on the way home while siring Joss Stone. 8/24/10 8:06am

B: Who is joss stone? 8/24/10 8:09am

S: British soul singer. I've been banging her and writing all her songs, in addition to playing all instruments on the tracks. I also shag her mama. And sing. 8/24/10 8:14am

B: I dumped her years ago and I could have had that roof done in45 minutes if you had just me known it needed to be done. Man...jeez 8/24/10 8:17am

S: There's only about 10 minutes of roofing up there, you lazyass. All that metal up there is an early detection device for comets obscured by the sun. 8/24/10 8:23am

B: Don't tell me about. Ask NASA what the though of my presentation. I imitated the movements of not only comets, but their bastard neice's: shooting stars. I did this through a gynastics routine in which I successfully completed the first one-armed iron cross 8/24/10 8:26am

S: I perfected the iron cross using only my cock in the sixties. Did it once while composing the White album. guitar credits for lennon was me playing by foot. 8/24/10 8:32am

B: That 12 foot diameter tymphany was played balls bouncing on it while I played the tuba on the other side of the stage with my middle leg 8/24/10 8:38am

S: Once i desegregated the south by just sitting at the tables with the blacks. Didnt have to say or do anything cuz I'm legendary. It's about respect. 8/24/10 8:46am

B: I remember that. You takin all the credit when I was the first to eat with em. Eating chittlins. I know how to suck a pig intestine right from it's innards 8/24/10 8:48am

S: You only learned that from the demonstrations i gave jesus and the romans in jerusalem before he quit his job and asked me to temp for him. 8/24/10 8:56am