The Answer to Why

Tim:

Perhaps some of what I was trying to convey was lost due to my inability to stop yelling on the phone. Sorry about all that, but I was just this morning asking myself a stupid question that started with “Why.”

“Why did I take that advice?” was my question just before you had called--and I still, just today, took unsolicited and poor counsel from someone who has less knowledge on the subject than myself. And so I was angry. At me.

It’s been my experience that 99% of all anger is self-directed. There are outward projections of anger all the time—but almost all of it is misdirected. I don’t discount that 1% of anger that is rightly directed toward injustice. That happens, and such is life. It’s an acceptable risk to the human experience.

“How do you get over that anger?” you asked. I think my advice was to stay the hell out of the situation. I should also add that you should never take any advice from a person who doesn’t know shit about the subject. It’s poor policy on a personal and professional level. No one wins—not even the person doling out piss-poor advice. Part of the problem here, obviously, is that the people giving out piss-poor advice aren’t usually aware they’re doing so. You’re fortunate here to be dealing with me, as I’m not an authority on any subject at all. I don’t know shit. I still don’t have anything like a handle on my temper, but I’m not sure that’s even an anger thing right now. Maybe that’s more a cabin fever thing.

Now, I really don’t even know your situation, but I think you know how I would handle/not handle it. Even the most optimistic outsider would assume rightly that my means of coping are pretty shitty on a personal level. I’m okay with that for the moment, but I’m working at it constantly. For good reason.

And, I’ve demonstrated through a very concrete example of my experience just today that resulted in listening to advice.

That being said, maybe we can move on to the “Why.”

As a word, “why” doesn’t fucking cut it for me any longer. There is almost never a right answer, or even if there is a right answer, it can nearly always be disputed. I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHY. If you wanted to know the number one reason I haven’t had a drink in a year and a half, I think I can tell you this: It wasn’t to impress myself. Or my friends and family. I’ve tried to do that for my entire life and been an utter failure at virtually everything I’ve touched. The main reason I’ve been able to stick to and accomplish any fucking goal in my life to this date was to ignore that one fucking word: WHY. Now, if you’re sitting there asking yourself, “Why does he think that,” or “Why is he telling me this,” just stop reading right now. Lost cause. That fucking word, “why” can almost always be substituted with “how” and the result is a concrete blueprint for a general understanding of almost any situation.

And you might notice I said “situation” above. I don’t have any problems. Problems are for mathematics, and they imply a unique solution. In life outside of the applied sciences and mathematical fields, a unique solution is rarely a qualifier for the questions one faces on a daily basis. Substitution of situation for problem in language and application on a daily basis is another coping skill—This is the reason I asked you to make a pro and con listing. The pro/con list helps to gain an understanding of any situation exactly as it relates to you in the moment. When I look at similar assessments in my life, I try to select the path that least shits all over those around me for whom I have some mutual concern. This works in business, and in life. It’s good policy.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that I think that you probably need a new dose of semantics. Then again, you should never take unsolicited advice.