Drivel

There are few things in life less rewarding than reviewing a year’s worth of emails. I discovered one of those things this weekend, when for business, I was obligated to review a year’s worth of another person’s emails. I’d stayed out of the account for several months, because it’s not my personal business to make any judgments whatsoever what’s going on in another person’s life. In this case, it became my business, because the person I’m referencing here shares with me a business (read: moneymaking) interest.

A person tends to discover how massively stupid just about any behavior can appear with the passage of time. I have no idea whatsoever I was thinking about a year ago, even though my electronic messages conveyed I was thinking about something, and I sure didn’t bother censoring how it happened to come out. Cover-ups and deceptions aren’t my strong suit these days, and I’m still no good at biting my tongue. Consequently, my messages become briefer, although they are much more thought out these days. I’m not sure that’s helpful for anyone who has relations with me at all. I haven’t the slightest interest in talking about anything. I don’t have any real interests—at least those that would interest anyone else. Hell, I’m not even interested in what I’m writing right now. At all.

In the end, I don’t think that matters much.

It seems that development and progress should be the real goals in life, but right now, I just want to eliminate absolutely everything from my “to do” list. No one has created that list for me, thank god, but I still feel some obligation for its completion. I don’t even have a list written down anywhere. I’m aware of the tasks at hand, and their relative assignment of importance in my mind. Not that any of that is important either—it’s not. It’s just that the creation of a physical list would only add one more item to its itinerary—that of removing the completion of items from the list. A vicious cycle. Then I’d have to create a new list…but would I do that before I had the chance to put the creation of a new list on the fucking list??? A person could get stuck in a hell of a pattern here…

I need to shut up now. Someone might come back in a year and discover that a dipshit was keeping an electronic record of madness.