Genesis 32-40

Genesis 32: Jacob is nervous about this upcoming meeting with Esau after hearing Esau had 400 men with him. He splits his own camp in two for survival, and angels meet him at Mahanaim. Jacob prepares a pretty substantial peace offering to Esau, and after dividing his camps he’s left alone, where an angel decides to wrestle him all night, and failing some sort of easy victory, molests Jacob in some way. Looks like a straight-up ball kick to me. So now Jews don’t eat dick, and stay away from meat in dick-like areas. The angel demands Jacob quit at day break, but he will not, so the angel blesses and names Jacob Israel, based largely on his ability to continue fighting after being racked.

Genesis 33: Jacob reconciles with Esau, it appears. Jacob purchases an encampment at Shechem from Hamor the Hivite. Esau journeys toward Seir.

Genesis 34: Dinah is avenged by her brothers Simeon and Levi, even after Hamor and Shechem have agreed to have painful operations performed on all male dicks of the land. Three days later, after the mass circumcision, all the men of Shechem are killed. Bad PR for Jacob. Simeon and Levi appear to be kind of hard-asses as the result of this incident, considering Dinah was with Shechem on her own account—her brothers just thought she was a slut, and though they may have been right, this reaction seems a bit unreasonable.

Genesis 35: Jacob is instructed by God to return to Bethel. He has his people stash away their idols, I guess God is pleased, as he then reaffirms the naming of Jacob Israel at Paddamaram. Rachel dies giving birth to Benjamin, and the number of Jacob’s sons is now twelve.

Genesis 36: Esau’s generations, the sons of Seir, and the various chiefs of Edom (Esau) through generations not persecuting Israel, so this says.

Genesis 37: Jacob’s generations: Joseph makes a snazzy coat, gaining favor from his father, and subsequently has strange dreams suggesting his future prominence over his brothers. As a teen, he appears to be a sort of tattle-tale against the other sons of Jacob. (Some of whom have previously demonstrated significant anti-social tendencies) Israel wants to know where the hell his children and flocks have gone, so he sends Joseph out to find them and bring back a report. Joseph finds the children and flocks have moved to Dothan. His siblings, learning of Joseph’s pending arrival, conspire to kill him. Reuben convinces the siblings not to kill Joseph, opting instead to dump him in a waterless cistern or pit, so that Joseph’s dreams can be fulfilled. The Ishmaelites are happening through en route to Egypt for trade, and Judah suggests selling Joseph to the travelers. It appears Reuben didn’t profit from any of the twenty pieces of silver profited from Joseph’s sale, because he returned to the cistern of internment to find Joseph gone, and is so distraught that the first of many garment-renting biblical fits occurs in this setting. Naturally, the siblings kill a goat, smear blood on Joseph’s snazzy coat to serve as Joseph’s comprehensive report to Jacob detailing the above events. Only a few sentences after Reuben’s historic clothes-renting, Jacob proves that genetics indeed have some place in biblical study, and he too rents violently, subsequently wearing only a sackcloth over his loins for several days. His sons and daughters are kind enough to offer to help Jacob mourn, but the texts suggest Jacob felt they had done enough. Plus, he wasn’t exactly fully clothed, and we have to mention this genetics thing again here, I think. These Ishmaelites possessing Joseph were apparently also called Midianites, who sold Joseph to Potipar, an officer of Pharaoh’s in Egypt.

Genesis 38: Judah gets an Adullamite concubine-friend named Hirah. Judah’s wife, an unnamed daughter of Shua, bears Er. Er is set up with Tamar, his soon-to-be wife, by Judah. Jehovah doesn’t like Er, so Er dies. Judah wisely believes a coping mechanism for this event is to send Er’s brother Onan to fuck Tamar so that Er’s name can live on. Onan didn’t want to knock up Tamar for whatever reason, and pulls out before he’s ejaculated inside Tamar. Onan’s punishment by Jehovah for this is death. Judah advises Tamar to stick around until his last son, Shelah is old enough to fuck Tamar. This doesn’t happen according to script. Tamar discovers at some point that Shelah is quite fuckable, but hasn’t been assigned to what would appear to be death by Judah. While Judah is on a sheep-shearing mission, Tamar puts on a veil, and begs Judah for sex right there in the fields, under the guise of a prostitute. Judah agrees to send her a goat kid for her work, and he fucks her, somehow not realizing who he’s fucking. Genetics. Judah is all bent out of shape over his honor, because he hasn’t been able to properly compensate his prostitute. He finds in three months that Tamar has gone-a-whoring. He’s appalled, and wants her burnt. When Judah holds court for Tamar, she presents the personal effects he’d provided as collateral for payment on his hooking, and he decides that she probably has more honor than he, for the reason that he hadn’t provided his son for sex for her as he’d promised in due time. Tamar has a breach birth of twins resulting in sons Perez and Zerah.

Genesis 39: Joseph is purchased by Potiphar the Egyptian from the Ishmaelites. Potiphar finds that Jehovah is with Joseph, and he becomes a house overseer in good favor. Potiphar’s wife likes Joseph as well, and repeatedly attempts to seduce Joseph. He never relents, and at a third temptation, Potiphar’s wife is able to disrobe Joseph before he (ahem) fled. Potiphar’s wife’s story is that Joseph tried to take advantage of her, of course. All that is written here is that they spent a great deal of time together, and Joseph claims nothing happened. Joseph is jailed by Potiphar, but his jailing experience is a relatively good one because he is, after all, Joseph. Jehovah finds things to favor in much of Joseph’s work.

Genesis 40: While jailed, Joseph makes acquaintance of Pharoh’s chief butler and baker, who have bizarre dreams. Joseph makes an inquiry to the meaning, and he prophesizes that the butler would return to his post in three days, and that the baker would be strung up from the tree. Joseph asks the butler to speak kind words of Joseph when the butler is released. Joseph knew better than to ask the baker for a favor, for in three days time, this little prophecy is fulfilled. Unfortunately for Joseph, he is forgotten by the butler. In this case, the butler didn’t do it.