Mark 1:
Jesus talks to himself: Those Old Pirate dudes said some stuff in Isaiah and Malachi was gonna happen someday. I gotta do some of that stuff, man. It was written.
John the Baptist baptises NPJC (New Pirate JC) and becomes NPJC's temporary manager. The tour encompassed Judea, Jerusalem and beyond, but the opening concert at the River Jordan set the stage for a whirlwind tour, complete with a splitting of the heaven and a speaking appearance by Cap'n Jehovah himself: Me Boy! Melikes! Walk the Plank, we see what ye be made of! 'Tis an order! Arrrgh!
And NPJC was cast into the temptations of the Satanic wilderness, bereft of any piracy whatsoever, for 40 days. On his return, he said, "It's time. Repent. Believe. Do. It." and a bunch of people did. Destined for stardom, NPJC found James and John struggling with their nets in the water. NPJC said, "Come. Fish for souls. It's easier." James and John followed. On the sabbath in Capernaum, NPJC and his posse pirated the shit out of the synagogue. An upset Jew apparently needed an exorcism, and NPJC came through in the clutch. NPJC was the biggest act in Galilee by this point.
Right after the synagogue exorcism, NPJC and his posse (DJs-Double-J feat. John, known later as DJ-3J, then DJ3Js, before the NPJC posse broke loose with their transition name da Boys and finally merged with the remaining Boyz-2-Cum, to settle on their tour name, DaDirtyDoz.) found Simon and Andrew. Simon's wife and mom were sick, so NPJC healed them. NPJC nearly doubled his posse in this one private show. NPJC had taken over Meek SA's crib, and that whole quarter of Capernaum was pretty much NP territory by this point, synagogue included. NPJC wisely fortified his new turf by healing all means of demonic and other ailment, and said: Dudes, let's go to the desert. NPJC, DJs-3J and Meek SA went out on a Galilee-wide tour, with NPJC preaching piracy and casting out demons.
A leper found the posse and plead for a private show with NPJC. This happened, and NPJC told the guy: Just tell one guy you saw me. Go to the synagogue, tell them Moses sent you to clean things up.
The leper told everyone but synagogue guy, and NPJC and da Boyz (his posse had chosen this temporary name while in exile) had to reschedule the entire tour, as virtually every town bailed on the bookings. They set up shop in the desert, and still drew decent crowds.
Mark 2:
By the time "Repent to Capernaum" hit the shelves, NPJC was the top-grossing show in Galilee. To kick off the tour, he forgave a fellow for having palsy. Critics were split on this performance, some calling it an act of compassion, and others (mainly Philistines) raged of the blasphemous nature of the act, citing various OP law.
NPJC said: Would you rather I tell him to walk? Go forth, dude.
The previously palsied man raised himself and left, and even the Philistines were mesmerized by the show. NPJC had never been more on top of his game, and he was just getting warmed up. Love him or hate him, the show couldn't be missed. NPJC, always with a keen eye for talent, scouted Levi and said: Come on.
So Levi joined da Desert Boyz with the tour turning heads nationwide for its irreverent and highly provocative nature. Wherever NPJC and da Desert Boyz went during that portion of the tour, there was sinning, and there was trouble. When NPJC and da Boyz were caught looting and pillaging corn on the sabbath, NPJC gave a longwinded and confusing rationalization of something OP David did way back in the day, and finished by saying: Sabbath's for people, not the other way around, dig? Dead men don't tell tales, anyway, dude. Argh, man.
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