Billy & Elton

I was eating at a little pizza place downtown, when "Tiny Dancer" played over the oldies station on the radio. The next song that came on was "It's Still Rock 'n Roll to Me." Then I wondered what the chances were of hearing an Elton John and Billy Joel song back to back on any commercial radio station might be, and I figured those chances must be very good.

Oldies stations have always fascinated me. They have a nearly infinite volume of songworks at their disposal for programming, and nearly every station in the country taps the same 100 or so songs to play in ridiculously heavy rotation. These are nowhere close to the 100 best songs ever written, and usually, the songs that make the cut aren't even nearly the individual artists' best songs. From the above example, I probably prefer 25 or 30 Elton John songs to the one they played, and one almost never hears what I believe to be Billy Joel's best song, "Pressure" on the radio. It's about the only song he's recorded I might have a remote interest in hearing right now, and I could live a long and happy life never hearing another Elton John song, period.

So what is the appeal of the oldies radio station? It is, generally speaking, among the best of available options on any given radio dial, and that's not saying much. It's devolved into a corporate contest of who can suck the least at any given time.

Is this just the last, and most disgusting step of the corporate homogenization of our American culture? We're force fed the same crap over and over based on an actuarial analysis of our attention spans--we get only the blandest and most acceptable of all that is available in life??? (That is, over the available media outlets, with the possible exclusion of the internet)

Satellite feeds are no better. They are more specific to genre, but they still ram home the same programming in thick rotation, when an almost infinite supply of diversity would seem to exist. Is this all a symptom of Political Correctness? Are we that afraid to offend a demographic these days to take even the simplest of risks?

Life is all about calculated risk, it seems. If I run out to the store for a bottle of milk, I run the obvious risk of getting run over by a bus or train, but I can take some steps to insulate myself somewhat from these prospective events. The only media outlets that take any risks whatsoever are the ones unbowed to some outside force of influence that reminds the proprietor on a daily basis what is acceptable and what is not. These outlets are damned rare. College stations are a good bet, public radio used to be pretty good, but it seems that even these are in some way bowing a bit to the pressures of paying for their wattages, and every decision that is made seems to carry a price determined by those with the purse strings.

And all of this is subjective, of course. I run the risk with this post of offending fans of Billy Joel and Elton John, for example. For starters, however, one would need the dual calamity of liking either of the above artists AND having the patience to get through my drivel to this point. I'm claiming that this is nearly impossible to do, or I wouldn't have to listen to their shitty music in public in the first place. The entire reason terrible music is offered in public places like that is the perception that the fewest persons will be offended. By that logic, those passionate about Billy and Elton are probably similarly dispassionate in their defenses. I'm not sure if that's the case, but I would think it would have to be at least somewhat true. I've never seen anyone throw a fit when hearing songs by these artists.

Is it even possible to be passionate about Billy or Elton? Or am I missing something here? Is there some unspecified genius to their work? I know both of them are songwriters far superior to me, but I'd bet both of them will tell you their best work can't be effectively promoted and produced. They're just pushing dollars through the turnstiles, and taking all the money from all the willing lemmings, most of which know no better...

Everyone needs a hobby. Maybe reflex-like fit throwing in reaction to this crap will be one of my new ones, just to see if there is any reaction at all to the public tantrums thrown in the face of rampant mediocrity...or I suppose I could just patiently wait for the next shitty song, like I've been conditioned so well to do.